I am back in Montana. I missed it. The other morning the sunrise was breathtaking. Colors of pink, gray, orange, gold and yellow lit up the sky and seemed to dare me to try and look away.
At present, while I am blissfully content, satisfied and grateful in my new home and career, I occasionally I find myself longing for the solitude I found while on the road alone.
In hindsight I see that being truly alone made life pretty easy. Once you realize that everything…and I mean everything…is up to you. Your happiness. Your destination. Your detours. Your productivity – or lack there of. Your conversation and most of all your expectations are all your very own responsibility. When you are by yourself, you don’t wait for someone to do the dishes or to offer you a drink.
You either become completely independent and self sufficient or you eat off dirty dishes and die of thirst. Pretty simple right?
However, now I’m back at home for what – wow – nearly a year now – I am again surrounded by others and it has become very easy to slip back into the habit of seeking validation for things like my value, my worth and my companionship from others.
I find myself longing for solitude, but I also find myself agreeing to every…single… invitation. Is it FOMO? (Fear of missing out) or am I simply falling back into the life I used to be so very comfortable in and one that society finds acceptable?
No matter what it is, I feel as though I’m in a constant push and pull frame of mind.
For months I lived out of my jeep in minimalist mode. I bought nothing but the necessities.
I refuse to allow myself to slip back into the ideas and attitude that “more is better”. Now, I’ve made the decision that if a new shirt comes home with me, another one goes to Goodwill.
I want to experience life. I want those experiences to be my souvenirs.
My first sentence of this blog referenced a “die” quote “old habits die hard” while it may be true, at this point in my life there is another quote about dying that resonates more with me. From the 1988 movie Cocktail staring Tom Cruise…..in the words of Doug Coughlin…”Coughlin’s Law: “Bury the dead. They stink up the joint. As for the rest of Coughlin’s Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of shit.”
Yes, I plan to ignore them all.